Drowning in Silence
by green angel01
Summary: "I was eighteen when Katniss pulled that ridiculous stunt with the berries, Darius was twenty-three. I knew nothing would ever be the same after that. I did not know, that about six months later we would be carted off to the Capitol, all because my brother did what he thought was right, and tried to help Gale. I didn't know I would never be able to talk again."


I try to scream, to get them to stop. All I could do was make these disturbing, animalistic sounds as they tore apart Darius. My brother was dying, and I could do nothing. They had been doing this for a few days, torturing him in the pretense of getting information. If they really wanted info, they would have given him some paper and a pen or pencil.

I know I am next. They have to keep the victors alive, so they can use them against other people, but I'm expendable. I have nobody left. Darius is gone, the older brother whom I can no longer remember as the guy who liked to make jokes, constantly smiling. No, all I remember is gurgling and blood and the look on his face as the light left his eyes.

Darius always took care of me. We shared the same red hair and brown eyes that came from some district 2 official and a lady in district twelve whom neither my brother or I had ever met. He became a peacekeeper as part of a deal with our father not to ruin his reputation or tell his wife or anything like that.

I was eighteen when Katniss pulled that ridiculous stunt with the berries, Darius was twenty-three. I knew nothing would ever be the same after that. I did not know, that about six months later we would be carted off to the Capitol, all because my brother did what he thought was right, and tried to help Gale. I didn't know I would never be able to talk again. I didn't know I'd have to watch my brother die. If I did, I'd have been more careful, spent more time with my brother, and talked more. I would have spent more time reading, hanging out with Madge, playing the piano. But I can't change the past. All I can do is try to make a better future.

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They've started now. I haven't had any body parts, but it's only a matter of time. They play recordings of Darius dying, over and over until I start screaming, then start in on the physical torture. I remember knives slicing my skin open, but I willed myself to be quiet. I try and fight back, as Darius would have wanted me too, but it's hard. I've taught myself to smile in pain, it seems to make them mad. It hurts worse, but I wanna go in my own way. I want them to remember me, long after I'm gone. I look at Johanna, Annie, Peeta, and smile. I don't know how they are torturing them, but they seem to leave Annie and I alone, and I drown in my own 's hard to try to calm Annie when you can't talk and just woke up from your own nightmare. I try to take care of her though, her live outweighs mine. I give her half my food whenever I can (not that they give us much). I have only seen Peeta and Johanna when either Darius was being tortured, or when I was, so there's no way to help them.

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I wake in an unfamiliar place. It has dim lighting, and it's different than the simulations they would put us in to freak us out. It's seems much more realistic. I sit up and try to figure out what kind of new torture they had planned next. I jumped when I see a woman walk in. I stare at her, but do nothing to get me punished.

"You may not remember me, but I'm Mrs Everdeen, Katniss's mom. You're okay now. You're safe. May I check your vitals?" I give a sharp nod, and she tried to smile encouragingly, but it ends up with her just looking at me with pity. I glare at her, and she ignores it. When she is done a young girl with blond hair comes in and hands me a small device with a simple black case.

" This tablet uses up less supplies than paper and pencil. You can use your finger to write messages, or you can press this button, and a keyboard pops up so you can type it.". I recognize this girl. She's Katniss's little sister, the one she volunteered for. I give her a curious look, and decide that this must be real.

. Where am I? I write with my finger, and then look up. She glances at her mother, then sighs.

"You'll find out soon enough. You're safe here, and that all you need to know."

Where's Annie?

"She's with Finnick Odair. I'll tell her you asked." Primrose paused "She wouldn't leave without you. I thought you should know." After that, I see the woman put something in an IV, and everything goes dark.

"Nyx, I could not wait to see you! I can't believe they just took you away, without even a single goodbye. I'm glad you are okay, I was so worried." I wake from my seamless state to find Delly Cartwright standing next to my bed. Her long blonde hair is in a braid and she looks older than I remember.

Where am I? 

. "I'm not allowed to tell you that" she looks at the ground guilty.

i think I deserve to know where the h**** I am, Delly. I scribble furiously in messy handwriting. She shakes her head, and I glare at the floor. _Can I at least get up and walk around?_

. "I'll ask nurse Everdeen if we can have someone fill you in. Then, you can walk around. " She leaves the room and doesn't come back for a good ten minutes. Then, walks back in with a nervous look on her face.

"I know everyone is required to watch the Hunger Games, so you know what Katniss did with the arrow. After that, they, they bombed district 12. Some of us made it out, but a lot didn't. Nyx, Madge didn't make it out." At her last sentence I break down into tears, sobbing. She sits next to me with an arm around my shoulders. I ignore her trying to calm me down. My brother, torn into pieces, gone. My best friend, who was like a sister, gone. My home, up in flames. Nothing left.

When I was all cried out, Delly told me where I was. "District thirteen is the heart of the Rebellion. Katniss is a big part of it, and so is Gale. That old head gamemaker Plutarch Heavensbee is in charge of keeping up the image, while President Coin is in charge of District 13" Delly told me all she had learned so far, how the place works and all of that.

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I remember how when I used to have nightmares when we was little, Darius would sit with me and tell me stories. He was the best at making up stories. He'd ask me for three random things from my nightmare, and make up a funny story about them so I wouldn't be scared of whatever it was he can't do that. He can't do anything. He's gone. Dead.

Annie introduced me to Finnick, and I tried to be nice, I really did. But I kept spacing out. Annie didn't care though, she understands me. I don't mean too, but I can hardly focus anymore.

I'm supposed to be allowed to leave the infirmary in three days, and will be moved to a small apartment build to house one person. Nurse Everdeen is kinda worried about letting me go, she gives me medication to stop my nightmares now, but I know she won't be able to later.

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Delly has been visiting Peeta when she's not with me, but she agreed to walk with me to the mess hall. When I walk in, gripping her arm like it's my only lifeline, we get a few stares, but nothing too bad.

We sit at a table with Delly's brother, the Everdeens, and the Hawthornes. The little girl, I think her name was Posy, climbed over to me.

"Why don't you talk?" I stare at her for a minute, trying to find a way to tell her without scaring her. I write down my answer and have Delly read it to her.

"Nyx got in an accident at the Capitol and it messed up her tongue really bad. "

"Really? I hope you are okay. You are nice. And pretty. Did the accident hurt?" I can't really tell her that they don't waste pain killing medicine on traitors, so I lie and shake my head no. Post climbed the rest of the way into my lap and sat there the rest of dinner, while her oldest brother kept shooting questioning glances at me. I listened to Post chatter and decide I like this little girl.

Jelly and I are getting up to leave when Annie runs up to me, and hugs me. I tentatively return the hug, and she asks how I am doing.

. I'm alive, and that's good enough. Annie frowns at this, and pulls me away to talk to me.

"How bad it it? Are you sure you are okay?" I shrug and walk away, leaving the mess hall and going back to my room in the hospital.

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_ Hands grab me out of my bed. I look around my room, trying to figure out what is going on. Darius is yelling, and I try to wiggle out of the arms of the peacekeepers trying to hold me back. I shout for Darius, but one of the peacekeepers grabs my head and bangs it against the wall, and spots cover my vision. I scream again, then everything goes dark._

. I wake covered in sweat. This was one of my most reoccurring nightmares, when they took Darius and I. It wasn't so much that it was bad, but more the terror of that night and not knowing what was going to happen to me. This is my life now. And I have no control.


End file.
